Happy new year to every person who reads my blog! I appreciate you and pray for you!

To quote one of my son’s favourite expressions… “Not gonna lie…” but this Christmas has been the hardest, both emotionally and physically, since my husband died. No idea why! A friend who was widowed 6 months before me said she’s felt exactly the same! This is the sixth Christmas he’s been absent from the body but present with the Lord and I have missed him so much that my body physically hurt.

On the shortest day of the year, it was dull and grey out, I had cleaning and Christmas preparation to do but my whole body felt like there was an electrical current buzzing through it. I kept crying, I couldn’t settle, I literally wanted to scream and wail. My knees (which could be better at the best of times!) were in agony, so I was standing up and sitting down instead of just getting on with what needed doing. It was taking an age to get anything done! I felt frustrated and defeated and my anxiety was off the scale!

Now, I KNOW the bible says “Do not be anxious!” on hundreds of occasions. I never want or intend to be anxious, but sometimes it just “overtakes” me. I listen to worship music, I pray, in English and in tongues, I tell the enemy to cease and desist! But the indescribably horrible, jittery, desperate feeling persists. And then I feel like a failure as well!

In some ways, I’ve learned to accept myself as I am, which these days seems to be weak and needy(!) but for so many years I was strong and capable! I looked after elderly relations and friends, a husband and home, brought up two children, was involved in prayer and worship leading at church for many years. The night John died, it all came crashing down. My hopes and plans for our future together were crushed in just a few minutes, and my view of my own earthly existence was changed forever. I lost sight of me.

Don’t get me wrong. I have never doubted the Lord for a moment. In my darkest moment, I needed him more than I ever have! And he was definitely present during that ordeal and has provided supernatural peace and provision on numerous occasions since.

I was trying to explain to my friend recently how I could “still” be grieving after all this time. She lost her beloved elderly father a few years ago, and said she didn’t dwell on it. But she has never suffered the death of a husband or partner and the loss of a shared future and shattered plans. I lost both of my parents in their 60s. I loved them dearly, but it is still not the same as losing your “other half”. I can understand that losing a child must be similar in many ways though, dreams and hopes all gone…

I told her… “I didn’t dwell on the deaths of my parents or grandparents, or my miscarriage. I grieved for my aunt in 2009 as I was very close to her and looked after her for the last 5 years of her life. She was the last of her generation, the end of an era. Mum organised Dad’s funeral and John helped me organise hers. I was younger and more resilient then. I knew Mum was dying and grieved during that waiting time too. John was my help in every way. Loyal, strong, practical, understanding, kind, willing… He always supported me. It’s hard to deal with his loss without him at my side to help me! A paradox, I know. Like a double loss really… An empty space in my life that will never again be filled. 😢”

If you have lost someone who made you YOU, I get it… The pain is excruciating, it comes and goes in waves, it affects every aspect of your life and personality in some way… Sometimes, you think you’re doing better, but it will catch you off guard and it’s like you’ve been stabbed. It stops you in your tracks and takes your breath away. Tears come all too frequently, often without any logical reason. Just “because”…

All I can say is, I know that Jesus has felt my pain, my loss, my anguish, my emptiness, at times loneliness. He’s shed the tears and cried out from the heart, just as I have. He has suffered. He knows… And he came through it victorious. His victory means John is not lost forever. I will be with him again one day, though things will be different, of course. We are not told not to grieve, but not to grieve like those who have no hope.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 NIV
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.

I will probably never stop grieving the loss of my husband and missing him in this life but, if I can just keep giving that pain over to Jesus, I know he can turn it into something that will bring him glory. Maybe “weak and needy” is exactly where that is going to happen!

One day I will say…

Psalm 30:11-12 NKJV
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

How do people get back stage passes at big concerts? Because they know the person whose gig it is or someone associated with the venue who will get them a pass or speak up for them and say, yes, let them through…

I’m a bit of a Pink Floyd fan! On the Dark Side of the Moon album, there’s a track called The Great Gig in the Sky. I know heaven is not “in the sky”, but when we go to “the great gig in the sky”, fancifully speaking, we will not gain entry unless someone vouches for us! The only person who can do that is Jesus. And he won’t vouch for us if he doesn’t know us. 

Matthew 7:21-23 NKJV
“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’

Knowing Jesus is not difficult. It doesn’t depend on your status in society, your good works, being religious, being busy in the church, or wearing a cross and chain! You can never gain entry to heaven based on who you are or what you’ve done. Jesus requires that we have faith. Faith in who he is and what he’s done! Faith in his shed blood and his atoning work on the cross.

Romans 3:22 NLT
We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.

Ephesians 2:8-9 NKJV
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Do you know Jesus? He is worthy of being known, the best friend and advocate you could ever hope for. On an average day,  170,000 people will die worldwide. With the world in crisis from wars, increased earthquakes, severe weather and other catastrophes, famine and disease, that number could be even greater. No one knows when they could unexpectedly be all out of time on this Earth!

Don’t think that your choices here don’t matter. There is a different kind of life that awaits us after death, and your choices here will determine where, and with whom, you will spend it!

Choose Jesus! Have faith in him alone, I implore you! He will never fail you, never turn his back on you. He is the One who vouches for you on that day! In the scheme of things, everyone’s time here is short! Please choose Jesus and believe on him today!

Sometimes, the ripping off of the plaster is almost more painful than the wound it hid, but unless we let air get to it, it will never fully heal. A scar may be left as a reminder of the injury, but it will eventually heal…  Why? Because God designed bodies to heal! Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made.

The body of Christ is no less. There are organic changes over time – it’s a living thing. But it will be functional, and it will be beautiful. The body of Christ is not just one denomination, one congregation… it is the millions of born-again, true believers worldwide, in communion through the blood of Christ.

In some parts of the world, persecution brings great injury to the body. How can it possibly be restored? Through prayer, through love, through forgiveness, through unity, through knowing we are all in one, and Jesus is the One in all. We are united in Christ, as HIS body, whether we be near to each other, half way around the world, or across eternity…

Romans 8:31-39 NKJV
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: “For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.” Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I recently came across this beautiful  song by Jeremy Riddle. This is the lyric version. I hope it blesses you!

The Lord has had me thinking a lot about the way sound affects the natural world but, as I’ve pondered on it, this post has ended up languishing in “drafts” for several weeks! So here it is, finally! I hope it makes sense!

Sounds are all around us, all the time, some quiet, some loud. Music can affect our mood. Certain sounds stir strong memories and feelings. Waves washing up a sandy beach, the roar of autumn winds through the trees and the crispy crunch of dried leaves under foot, all bring back happy childhood memories for me. I’m sure that for those in war-torn areas, the sound of a siren or maybe a low flying aircraft would elicit feelings of fear. A baby’s cry can make the tiredest mother suddenly alert! Sounds affect our hormones and our bodies, as well as our thoughts.

Even people who are profoundly deaf can feel vibration and rhythm. The well-known Scottish percussionist, Evelyn Glennie, has been profoundly deaf since childhood, but it has not stopped her having a career as a professional musician. She often performs with bare feet, to help her feel the vibrations better.

I expect many of you have seen the videos of intriguing physics experiments using a metal plate with sand or salt on, which is subject to the vibrations caused by varying frequencies of sound. Every change in frequency produces a new, unique pattern.

Sound is energy. It produces physical changes!

In Genesis chapter one, verses one and two, God (Elohim – which is plural, as the Godhead is plural, three in one) created..!  The Spirit of God hovered (some translations say brooded) over the waters. The bible does not say God spoke at this point, but it does say the earth was without form, and void – empty.

Genesis 1:1-2 NKJV
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. [2] The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.

Then God spoke… and, like an artist who had been contemplating and considering, he began painting onto the blank canvas of the Earth, his words forming order and life, like the vibrations going through the plate to make new and unique patterns.

Genesis chapter 1 continues…
[3] Then God said [spoke,declared,  commanded] “Let there be light”; and there was light.
[6] Then God said, “Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.”
[9] Then God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear”; and it was so.
[11] Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth”; and it was so.
[14] Then God said, “Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs and seasons, and for days and years;
[20] Then God said, “Let the waters abound with an abundance of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the face of the firmament of the heavens.”
[24] Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth the living creature according to its kind: cattle and creeping thing and beast of the earth, each according to its kind”; and it was so.
[26] Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

God spoke, and it came to pass, formed by the sound of his voice and the words of his mouth. Vibration itself cannot be seen until it affects something visible.

Hebrews 11:3 NIV
By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

To be honest, I found that short phrase to be quite profound! It was a bit of a “wow” moment!

Sound travels in waves and can have the same effect as gentle waves lapping at the sand or a giant tsunami roaring towards the shoreline. I’m guessing that creation involved more of the tsunami kind!

Ezekiel says, in chapter 37, that he was taken up in the Spirit and shown the valley of dry bones. God then tells Ezekiel to prophesy to the bones. He is to tell them to HEAR the word of the Lord! When Ezekiel is obedient and speaks to the bones, he sees them assemble and gain sinews and flesh.

He is then commanded to prophesy breath, and the reassembled bodies become living, breathing beings, forming a great army!

Although God gave the command and performed the miracle, he was showing Ezekiel that, in speaking out to the dry bones, he was prophesying life. He was working in partnership with God to release the miracle.

Every time we speak or sing God’s Word, we are effecting change in the heavenlies, which in turn affects the natural world. This is why scripturally sound worship songs are so important. It is also vital to use the scriptures to pray. Memorising various verses and passages is really helpful.

Isaiah 55:11 NKJV
So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

John 10:10 NKJV
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

In Strong’s concordance, the word abundantly is 4053. Here is a summary:

STRONGS NT 4053: περισσός

Exceeding some number or measure or rank or need;
1. over and above, more than is necessary, superadded, exceeding abundantly, supremely, to have abundance…
2. superior, extraordinary, surpassing, uncommon, more eminent, more remarkable, with greater honour, more (abundant) honour…

I know many people take this to mean abundance of health, provision, and good things in life in general – and I’m not necessarily against that in principle. But I do think the “health and wealth gospel” as it’s called, of huge amounts of money going to certain megachurch pastors through the “sow a seed of x amount into my ministry so God will bless you…” line, is just plain wrong! It’s deception. You can’t bribe God! And clearly, there ARE suffering believers in the world!

HOWEVER, what if the overflow of that super abundant life that we all have, through Christ, through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, is the life that we give out to others through our words… ?!

Words have power. They can wound and they can heal!

Ephesians 4:26-27 NIV
“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, [27] and do not give the devil a foothold.

Ephesians 4:29 NIV
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

The Lord is telling us to be wise… He knows we are human and sometimes feel angry, but we are not to let that open a door to the enemy! He is reminding us that we should use our words wisely.

Unwholesome talk doesn’t just mean telling dirty jokes! I know from personal experience, that looking too long at the world, the news, the wars, the injustices going on these days… It pulls us down, makes us shout our mouths off about all the things that annoy us, and takes our eyes off Jesus, quickly making us forget WHO we are and WHAT we already have, in Christ!

Proverbs 15:1,4 NIV
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

[4] The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

God wants us to speak life, healing, blessing and encouragement! Remember! Love your neighbour as yourself! We are ambassadors for Christ and, for some people, the only time they will be exposed to the love of Jesus, is through us!

Is anyone else tired? So very tired of this world… Tired of the bickering, the struggling, the madness, the lack of kindness and harmony, the assaults on our intelligence and our freedom… The weight of it all is becoming unbearable.

Dear Lord Jesus, we so long for your return but, even more than that, we long for hearts and minds to be changed and renewed! We long for the hatred and division to stop and the wounds caused by the enemy to be healed. We pray for our friends and family that don’t yet know you, to receive a revelation of who you are; to be clearly shown the battle lines of good and evil, and for them to choose life… to choose YOU!

Lord, you say you will never leave us nor forsake us. Give your angels charge over us, to keep us in all our ways. Let them bear us up in their hands lest we should strike a foot against a stone. Do not let us stumble or fall! Fill us anew with your Holy Spirit and revive us Lord!

Let us give you the praise and glory due to your name every day, and may we never lie down feeling broken and defeated, for we are IN CHRIST and share in your righteousness and your victory at Calvary!

Thank you Jesus for loving us so much, and giving your life for us! ❤️

This song has been around for a long time. Lately it’s been coming to mind often, and the words seem rather prophetic in the light of what’s happened over the past several days!