Sorry! It’s been over a year since part 1 ended with me contracting chicken pox soon after we moved in! I had never had it as a child and wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy as an adult… I felt so ill! I was off work for three weeks, partly as I was infectious early on, but also because I was too unwell to drive to work, do my busy marketing job and drive home again. I think I just slept a lot of the time! And, to top it all, I was left with two scars on my face as a memento – whoopee!

Aside from that though, we got the house rewired, and had the front garden gravelled so we could park. As we’re right in the corner we don’t really have a kerb as such, so getting the cars off the road was important as it’s quite narrow. For some reason, the previous owner liked old carpet, so he’d carpeted over most of the front garden (yes, really!) and used some old logs to hold it down. I presume he thought it would suppress weeds, but all that happened was the mud squelched through from underneath and the weeds seeded on top! We also had old carpet over the end of the back garden and a couple of extra rolls up in the loft! Needless to say, it all ended up at the tip!

Renovating was a labour of love as we uncovered old features and restored them, and I learned a lot about the history of the road and the house from my elderly neighbour, who had moved into the adjoining semi as a newly wed in 1929! What a shame that the old cast iron kitchen range was gone, but we still had two small cast iron fireplaces upstairs, which we restored as a feature. I had inherited some old dark wooden furniture from my aunt, which went perfectly in this cottage-style home. We were very happy and two years later started our family, which I’ve written about elsewhere!

We loved our spacious garden and the greenery, the peace and amazing assortment of visiting birds! We’re near to a large area of woodland and open fields so had all kinds of avian visitors and I got quite good at identifying them. What a difference from where we had lived previously. It was great having room for the boys to play in the years to come too. Not a lot of room indoors, but outside we had a climbing frame with a swing and slide, room for ball games and for small boys driving recklessly in pedal cars! Really, our family was so blessed! We never had big expensive holidays, we hadn’t even had a honeymoon! We didn’t have luxury cars or much spare money, but we had what we needed, that money really can’t buy. God is good!

Anyway,  I wanted to tell you something that I only discovered very recently…

If you read part 1, which I’ll attach here, you remember the passage from Jeremiah 32, in which Jeremiah buys a field…? I don’t know what made me dig deeper, but that field was in Anathoth. It was in the territory of Benjamin. Anathoth was a sanctuary city and is listed in several places as meaning “answers” or “answers to prayer”. There are various other connections to this name, but that one really caught my eye. Living here, in this house, in this place, was SUCH an answer to prayer! We grew spiritually, and as a family, and have been involved in impactful ministries over many years. We’ve made friends for life and, now I’m on my own, it’s the one place I feel safe and secure and “at home”. It really was a sanctuary and the Lord’s provision for the long term future (the deeds are secured to last a long time, Jer 32:14) and I’m so grateful.

For years, I had a little card with the following verse propped up on a shelf…

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I think it’s in with my old bible notes and prayer journals now, but I need to look it out. God is good. So very good, always. He knows our story from beginning to end. Of course we will have struggles, hard times, sadness, adversity – we live in a fallen world – but with the Lord we will always have HOPE, summed up as “Holding On, Praying Expectantly”. As children of God we should hold onto him and be expectant as to how he will provide and care for us, in response to our prayers and requests. He always listens, and always acts, though sometimes not in the ways we expect!

Praise the Lord, for he is good and his love endures forever….

The little house that God bought, part 1…

I get a lot of video shorts coming up on YouTube for horse and dog rescues. They frequently make me cry! These poor animals have been terribly abused, neglected or abandoned. Sometimes they have trust issues as they are so afraid, but often, even when they are terribly injured, they are just so grateful to be rescued.

Why do we have all these animal shelters, pleas for donations and potential pet adopters, and our hearts break because we KNOW these creatures deserve kindness and love and a safe home, but humans… not so much?

Maybe we turn a blind eye because we don’t want to get involved. We are scared to take someone that we don’t know into our home because we don’t know if they can be trusted, or to be taken for a fool by the person who begs in the street, takes our money and then simply feeds their addiction.

Somehow we understand that animals have a pure heart. They are shaped by their experience and circumstances, but even then will often show extraordinary trust and gratitude.

The bible says in Jeremiah 17:9
“The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?”

I think the thing is, we don’t know if we can trust other people, because we know we can’t always trust ourselves. Humans are made in the image of God and have such amazing potential but, thanks to Adam and Eve, and the serpent of course, mankind fell. The simple joy of walking with the Lord in the garden was gone. We know only too well that the heart is deceitful!

When we look at these poor animals, they can’t speak, but their eyes plead… “Will you rescue me?” It is within our power to do something, even just for one. We can adopt, make a donation to a shelter, volunteer our time if we don’t have the money…

Father God looked upon his creation with mercy knowing that, like the animals, we were doomed to die without a rescuer. So he sent Jesus to be that Saviour, the one who hears our plea… “Rescue me!”

And he rescues every last one who calls on him. He adopts us into his family and calls us sons and daughters of the Most High. No longer abandoned, neglected or abused.

You may think you have it all worked out and you’re perfectly fine in this world, but one day something will happen that you didn’t expect, don’t want, is not part of your life plan, and you will realise that you DO need a rescuer!

Cry out to Jesus! Call on his name. He will always answer, he will always save.

It seems that someone is always trying to sell us something. Unless you’re very wealthy financially, most people would think it important to have life assurance (or life insurance, see description below). Otherwise, upon your death, your family could suffer great hardship, especially if you are the main breadwinner.

Even if you aren’t the main financial contributor, perhaps you look after children or extended family, home school, cook, keep house… So your demise could still necessitate childcare, a cleaner, someone else to do what you did out of love and service, in order for the “breadwinner” to keep working. Everyone in a family has a role to play which, in the normal scheme of things, brings value. (I know this is a very idealistic view of life, but you get my drift…)

But all the insurances we buy cost money and often come with caveats. If we can’t afford to pay what they want to charge us, we have to live with a “fingers crossed” kind of hope for the future. Yes, hopefully we’ll stay alive, stay well, always have a job and decent income. No storms will come, the boat won’t sink… I can tell you from experience, storms DO come! And in some cases, the boat is so badly damaged it simply can’t stay afloat. It’s just a question of whether the remaining passengers sink with it or get rescued.

I’ve just heard of the sudden, unexpected death of a very fit and healthy young man in his prime. I’m sure he never thought when he went to bed, that he would not wake up the following morning. It’s shocking and also very sad. Where is he now? His physical body is still here. His soul and spirit are somewhere else. I didn’t know him personally, so I don’t know the answer to that question.

One day, we will all die. Some sooner than others. Life assurance is something we have which softens the blow for others. It is of no benefit to us.

But there is a life assurance that WILL benefit us, after we’re gone from this Earth. It is a life assurance that we don’t pay for, that was bought at a price by another and is freely offered to us. There are no strings attached, no hidden clauses or conditions, bar one… You need to trust and believe in the one who bought it for you!  It even provides benefits BEFORE you die! That’s a great deal if you ask me!

To find out more, check out the Holy Bible or ask someone who has already signed up to this amazing offer!

~~~~~~~~~~

Life insurance and life assurance are terms that are often used interchangeably – but is there a difference?

Both are forms of protection designed to pay out after the policyholder passes away – but they don’t work the same way. The key difference is that life insurance is designed to cover the policyholder for a specific term, while life assurance usually covers the policyholder for their entire life.
(from the Aviva web site)

Well… what times we live in! And I kind of always knew I’d be here for it! I would definitely prefer a calm, quiet life without the stress, the upward spiralling costs, the feeling of oppression rising everywhere. BUT if God is for me, who can be against me?!

Psalm 91 (learn it by heart!) begins:
He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

And verse 2… (we could almost start it with “Therefore”!)
I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.”

That secret place, where only the children of God can be, is out of sight and out of reach of the enemy. I would go as far as to say it is in another dimension! As born again Saints, we have one foot in the world and one foot in eternity… We are hidden IN CHRIST and seated with him in the heavenly places.

Although I’ve suffered and written about the anxiety I’ve had on and off since being widowed, I KNOW with all my heart that THIS is the safe place. Right next to Jesus, close to his heart, gazing into his eyes. He LOVES us with an everlasting, sacrificial love! He will never leave us nor forsake us, he’s a very present help in trouble and the strong tower that we run into.

Psalm 46:1-2 NKJV
God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. [2] Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

Psalm 61:1-4 NKJV
Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. [2] From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. [3] For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. [4] I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.

I’m going to re-post something I originally published in 2019. I think of it often, and what a safe place it is! If we strive for anything, we should strive to remain in that place! Our Shalom is found in Jesus.

The deeper the darkness, the brighter the light shines…

Hidden in Christ…

Happy new year to every person who reads my blog! I appreciate you and pray for you!

To quote one of my son’s favourite expressions… “Not gonna lie…” but this Christmas has been the hardest, both emotionally and physically, since my husband died. No idea why! A friend who was widowed 6 months before me said she’s felt exactly the same! This is the sixth Christmas he’s been absent from the body but present with the Lord and I have missed him so much that my body physically hurt.

On the shortest day of the year, it was dull and grey out, I had cleaning and Christmas preparation to do but my whole body felt like there was an electrical current buzzing through it. I kept crying, I couldn’t settle, I literally wanted to scream and wail. My knees (which could be better at the best of times!) were in agony, so I was standing up and sitting down instead of just getting on with what needed doing. It was taking an age to get anything done! I felt frustrated and defeated and my anxiety was off the scale!

Now, I KNOW the bible says “Do not be anxious!” on hundreds of occasions. I never want or intend to be anxious, but sometimes it just “overtakes” me. I listen to worship music, I pray, in English and in tongues, I tell the enemy to cease and desist! But the indescribably horrible, jittery, desperate feeling persists. And then I feel like a failure as well!

In some ways, I’ve learned to accept myself as I am, which these days seems to be weak and needy(!) but for so many years I was strong and capable! I looked after elderly relations and friends, a husband and home, brought up two children, was involved in prayer and worship leading at church for many years. The night John died, it all came crashing down. My hopes and plans for our future together were crushed in just a few minutes, and my view of my own earthly existence was changed forever. I lost sight of me.

Don’t get me wrong. I have never doubted the Lord for a moment. In my darkest moment, I needed him more than I ever have! And he was definitely present during that ordeal and has provided supernatural peace and provision on numerous occasions since.

I was trying to explain to my friend recently how I could “still” be grieving after all this time. She lost her beloved elderly father a few years ago, and said she didn’t dwell on it. But she has never suffered the death of a husband or partner and the loss of a shared future and shattered plans. I lost both of my parents in their 60s. I loved them dearly, but it is still not the same as losing your “other half”. I can understand that losing a child must be similar in many ways though, dreams and hopes all gone…

I told her… “I didn’t dwell on the deaths of my parents or grandparents, or my miscarriage. I grieved for my aunt in 2009 as I was very close to her and looked after her for the last 5 years of her life. She was the last of her generation, the end of an era. Mum organised Dad’s funeral and John helped me organise hers. I was younger and more resilient then. I knew Mum was dying and grieved during that waiting time too. John was my help in every way. Loyal, strong, practical, understanding, kind, willing… He always supported me. It’s hard to deal with his loss without him at my side to help me! A paradox, I know. Like a double loss really… An empty space in my life that will never again be filled. 😢”

If you have lost someone who made you YOU, I get it… The pain is excruciating, it comes and goes in waves, it affects every aspect of your life and personality in some way… Sometimes, you think you’re doing better, but it will catch you off guard and it’s like you’ve been stabbed. It stops you in your tracks and takes your breath away. Tears come all too frequently, often without any logical reason. Just “because”…

All I can say is, I know that Jesus has felt my pain, my loss, my anguish, my emptiness, at times loneliness. He’s shed the tears and cried out from the heart, just as I have. He has suffered. He knows… And he came through it victorious. His victory means John is not lost forever. I will be with him again one day, though things will be different, of course. We are not told not to grieve, but not to grieve like those who have no hope.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 NIV
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.

I will probably never stop grieving the loss of my husband and missing him in this life but, if I can just keep giving that pain over to Jesus, I know he can turn it into something that will bring him glory. Maybe “weak and needy” is exactly where that is going to happen!

One day I will say…

Psalm 30:11-12 NKJV
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

How do people get back stage passes at big concerts? Because they know the person whose gig it is or someone associated with the venue who will get them a pass or speak up for them and say, yes, let them through…

I’m a bit of a Pink Floyd fan! On the Dark Side of the Moon album, there’s a track called The Great Gig in the Sky. I know heaven is not “in the sky”, but when we go to “the great gig in the sky”, fancifully speaking, we will not gain entry unless someone vouches for us! The only person who can do that is Jesus. And he won’t vouch for us if he doesn’t know us. 

Matthew 7:21-23 NKJV
“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’

Knowing Jesus is not difficult. It doesn’t depend on your status in society, your good works, being religious, being busy in the church, or wearing a cross and chain! You can never gain entry to heaven based on who you are or what you’ve done. Jesus requires that we have faith. Faith in who he is and what he’s done! Faith in his shed blood and his atoning work on the cross.

Romans 3:22 NLT
We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.

Ephesians 2:8-9 NKJV
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Do you know Jesus? He is worthy of being known, the best friend and advocate you could ever hope for. On an average day,  170,000 people will die worldwide. With the world in crisis from wars, increased earthquakes, severe weather and other catastrophes, famine and disease, that number could be even greater. No one knows when they could unexpectedly be all out of time on this Earth!

Don’t think that your choices here don’t matter. There is a different kind of life that awaits us after death, and your choices here will determine where, and with whom, you will spend it!

Choose Jesus! Have faith in him alone, I implore you! He will never fail you, never turn his back on you. He is the One who vouches for you on that day! In the scheme of things, everyone’s time here is short! Please choose Jesus and believe on him today!

Sometimes, the ripping off of the plaster is almost more painful than the wound it hid, but unless we let air get to it, it will never fully heal. A scar may be left as a reminder of the injury, but it will eventually heal…  Why? Because God designed bodies to heal! Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made.

The body of Christ is no less. There are organic changes over time – it’s a living thing. But it will be functional, and it will be beautiful. The body of Christ is not just one denomination, one congregation… it is the millions of born-again, true believers worldwide, in communion through the blood of Christ.

In some parts of the world, persecution brings great injury to the body. How can it possibly be restored? Through prayer, through love, through forgiveness, through unity, through knowing we are all in one, and Jesus is the One in all. We are united in Christ, as HIS body, whether we be near to each other, half way around the world, or across eternity…

Romans 8:31-39 NKJV
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: “For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.” Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I recently came across this beautiful  song by Jeremy Riddle. This is the lyric version. I hope it blesses you!